DRAFT Divorce Kids Children

Additionally, here’s a brief note on the Fial family separation, especially as it relates to the concept of adult friendship with the separated parents of a wonderful child. In this note, I’ve tried to step out of myself here and write something I’d hope most of our country would agree with (at least in part) as it relates to these (depressingly common) situations.

I think parental friendship — or at minimum, adult respect — is healthy for children. Said another way: I’m trying to see that he has the closest set of friends, regardless of the current parent with him, as opposed to having two totally different sets of social contacts!). Spouse seems to want to excommunicate me in all things. But even with that minor sentence I digress into dangerously opinionated territory.

Let’s all prioritize the child here, please. Children and I live in the neighborhood, and we are open to do many things locally, including occasional short overnight trips nearby (as usual). For example, one reason I got the OMSI and recent Zoo membership was to allow them to maintain some stability of activities regardless of which parent they’re with, and, ideally maintain the same social connections, like with his classmates. Two neighborhoods/houses for a 4-year old, split 50/50, is already probably negative enough for their lives <— Of course, that argument is complex and debatable!

(Incidentally enough, with our son specifically, she and I both agree on the concept that he should have one primary home for 4-6 nights every week — we simply disagree in whose home he should spend most of his time. Yikes!)

Therefore — you’re encouraged to spend time with our children + either parent, but please don’t isolate one of us if our children really enjoy each other’s company. You may not particularly like one of us, but the excommunication and isolation of an adult can be damaging to anyone of any age, including his/her child! To me, the very idea of excommunication is actually un-American. But I digress again! If you’re uncomfortable about anything, it’s better to start a difficult conversation with (hopefully) minimal confrontation, rather than let things bubble up and ignore them. Not good for the kids, either. My life remains an open book — if a private, not public book, of course — especially to classmates’ parents in a situation like this.

Here’s the bigger picture, regarding the concept of familial reconciliation (even after papers are stamped “divorced”) — children have hope, I have hope, spouse does not. Hope vs “false” hope for a child in this situation is proving to be a very interesting philosophical debate. And it’s it’s one I’m happy to discuss in person, just as long as it’s not directly in front of children , unless we only speak in general terms.